Monday, July 12, 2010

Not Me! Monday


Haven’t done one of these in awhile…but trust me, you’ll soon see why I felt this was a necessity today…

(WARNING…following post is about bodily functions, may not be for those with a weak stomach…)

This morning I was not woken up bright and early (5:30 a.m.) by a screaming toddler yelling, “Mama, mama!” at the top of his lungs. I was not forced to pull him into bed with us to grab an extra hour or two of sleep.

When we crawled out of bed, I did not realize that he had peed through his diaper, shorts, and onto our sheets. I was not disgusted. This of course did not result in me starting laundry extra early this morning. And last night I did not think that I had caught up on laundry! Nope, not me! I would never be silly enough to think that laundry was ever possible to get caught up on!

As Gavin fell asleep for his morning nap, I did not take the opportunity to clean the bathroom. Nope, not me!  It’s a Monday morning, I wouldn’t dare be proactive! As I poured the leftover cleaning water from the pail (after scrubbing the bathroom floor) the toilet did not overflow

(no, nothing had “happened” in the bathroom that would have caused this backup!)

This did not result in our bathroom being completely covered in a 1/2 inch of water. This did not force me to clean up the mess with almost all of our bathroom/cleaning towels. This cleanup did not result in 2 more loads of laundry this morning. (Once again, so much for being caught up on laundry!) Oh, and our toilet is of course not still clogged. I would not ever ignore the problem and just use a different bathroom instead.

As I heard Gavin talking to himself after waking up from his nap, I would never take a few extra minutes to leisurely finish my sandwich. Nope, not me!  I always run straight for his room the second I hear him awake!

As I entered into his room to get him out of his crib, I was not overwhelmed by the smell of poop. (Can you see where this going?)

I did not quickly realize that Gavin, his crib, blanket and stuffed animals were all covered in shadoobies. My child would never rip off a completely filled diaper,take it’s contents and “finger paint” all over his sleeping place & himself. Nope, never…not my child!

I did not start gagging and almost throw up immediately. While quickly stripping down & placing said child into the tub, I did not once again start gagging. I would never need to run into my room and grab something to plug my nose with! Now that I’m a mom, nothing ever grosses me out, nope…not me!

I have not been forced into doing 5 loads of laundry…all before noon, 100% due to pee, poop or toilet overflow. I am not feeling the need to believe that disastrous things happen in threes and that hopefully this day of bodily function/toilet disasters is complete! Nope, not me!

Please excuse me while I go disinfect myself for the millionth time.

Want more Not Me Mondays? Head on over to MckMama’s site to check them out!


  1. I think almost every child does this at least once. Ick.

  2. That did NOT sound like fun. I have had more than one of those leaky, poopy, all over the place diapers. I'm guessing with a CFer I'll get a few more before it's all over with. I sure hope the rest of your day went better!

  3. I'm quietly laughing so hard that I'm almost crying about all the things that didn't happen to you today. It's a good thing they did NOT happen on your Monday.

    There's always Tuesday and duct tape for diaper reinforcement.

  4. Ah ha ha ha, that was great!... I mean completely horrible. :)

  5. My twins did this when they were around 2. They were in toddler beds and woke up from their nap. Instead of coming out of their room per usual, they took off their diapers and painted pretty much everything including each other! They are 12 now so I managed not to kill them that day. :) I did have a hard time with the gag reflex. Mom or not, poo and vomit get me every time. Not your run of the mill diaper change, but painting in poo is in a whole class of its own.

  6. I love it when you do not me monday's. You're so hilarious!! This story made me want gag!

  7. WOW and I was frustrated because Rad's diaper leaked some "a little bit" of poop out 2 days in a row on his crip sheet...HA I don't know what I was complaining about!!!! Thanks for making me feel better about my "shitty" situation :P