Nearly every afternoon I have the new talk show, “The Talk,” on tv. Typically, Gavin is sleeping at that time and I am moving around the house doing chores but I tend to get the gist of what’s going on, even if I don’t hear every word.
Last week, or maybe the week before, they were discussing marriage. On whether or not it’s ok to “just divorce,” or if you should stick it out. At what point do you say, enough is enough and walk away or whether or not you ever just walk away. I really like this show because instead of screaming matches/talking over one another (like a different daytime talk show) the women all have different opinions but actually listen to one another and respect the other person’s stance. The women varied on their beliefs in marriage, some agreed that there is a point where you walk away and some believed that no matter what (not including abuse or other such circumstances) you work, and you work, and you work, and you stick to your commitment that marriage is for life.
Then, Julie Chen made a point that stopped me in my tracks and I took a moment to sit on the couch and listen to the rest of the segment. She made a diamond with her hands…
The top of the diamond represents the beginning of relationship/marriage. The point where you cannot get enough of one another; the honeymoon stage. There is a level of excitement, the point where you “just click,” and that life with one another seems to be filled with flowers & butterflies.
Then as time goes on, you move along to the edges of the diamond, further apart from one another. You reach a point where you seem to have slipped away from those initial desires, to a point where you just trudge along day-by-day letting the hours blend together. Or, it could be a big event in your lives that pulls you apart. Or, it could be that you are so focused on your children, that you forget to focus on your relationship. It could be a multitude of things, but the similar aspect is that it happens to every relationship.
And as Julie stated, if you can make it through that point, where the two outer points of the diamond are formed, that eventually you begin to come together again. You continue to develop a love, and a bond that goes far beyond the initial intrigue. A relationship that truly makes you one, a relationship that has made you life partners.
While Casey and I are not yet married, we have been through a lot in our four plus years. Far more than what the “typical” dating couple comes to face, and I truly agree with Julie’s point. I think throughout a relationship there is that one big diamond, summing up the lifetime of a relationship/marriage as a whole. But I also believe that there are similar “mini” diamonds that work their way into your life as well; a rollercoaster of ups and downs.
Life is not always going to be perfect. Life is not always going to be normal. And when you take two lives and put them together, those rises and falls of life are bound to be more abundant.
Life takes work. Life with a partner takes even more work. While you may love your partner day in and day out, there will come days that you don’t really “like” that other person very much. But personally, this year on the ninth of July we’ll be committing our lives to one another, and we’ll be agreeing that life won’t always be perfect, it won’t always be filled with flowers and butterflies, but that we’ll be going through it all together. Forever.